Honoured to be his mommy

All parents feel a sense of pride for their children, but we truly believe that the pride we felt for Zack went beyond any parent’s wildest dreams. For a child born with so many “imperfections” according to his genetics, our son was truly perfect in our eyes. Zack lived each day with obstacles that made even the basic functions like eating and walking difficult for him, and yet, he lived his life without knowing he had limitations. He tackled every therapy as merely a stepping stone to accomplish what he was after and when one goal was reached, he found a new one. We admired Zack so much for his perseverance, determination and resilience and saw those traits every day.

His infectious smile and “walnut cheek” will be remembered by everyone who ever
met him; including therapists, doctors, nurses, neighbours, friends and family. He amazed everyone around him with all that he accomplished in his short life, including the doctors who were constantly in awe of his willingness to fight over
the last weeks of his life. Even in his last days, we were so proud of our son and how he continued to inspire and impress those around him.
His happiest times were watching Elmo, playing drums, jumping on his trampoline, watching sports with Daddy, riding his red car down the sidewalk, eating Froot Loops and walking around the house after his brothers. Zack loved his brothers with his whole heart. He always showed excitement when they walked in the door from school…he knew the fun was about to begin. Ty will always remember watching his favourite t.v. shows in our room when Zack would walk over and push the buttons to change the channel, laughing all the way at the mischief he was causing. Jayden was forever his interpreter, telling us when Zack wanted a snack or his “soosoo”. While Zack had no words, his love for his brothers spoke volumes in the brightness in his eyes, the way he emulated them and the way they in turn cherished him.

For the last week of our son’s life, we were able to care for him as we had since his
birth. While hospitalized for pneumonia, his last days consisted of laying in bed
with me and having me be the advocate I had always been. When breathing became too hard, he would curl into me for comfort and listen me sing a sweet song in his ear so he wasn’t scared. When it came time to say goodbye, the words flowed as we thanked our incredible son for all that he had given to us and to our family. I told him how he had made me the mother that I had become…that I still have so much work to do to help other families and that I needed his strength to continue to do this work. Holding him in our arms and snuggling for the last time, our son was safe, loved and allowed to give up the fight.

We will always feel honoured to have been chosen to be Zack’s parents. I am honoured to have been the mommy of this amazing little boy- one who touched so many people. How could I have been the parent of someone who was truly so great and so special?

We have been forever changed by the three and a half years that we spent with our “miracle on earth” and our lives will never ever be the same, because of him.

66 Comments on Honoured to be his mommy

  1. Ariane @fdnstudio
    March 15, 2011 at 7:57 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    Words cannot describe how touched I am by Zack and I did not get the chance to meet him. Your story is one of strength and courage and I am so glad you have chosen to share with us.
    Thank you..

    Reply
  2. Laura
    March 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm (14 years ago)

    Very beautiful Heather. You were very lucky to have each other.
    We will find many ways to help other children like Zack and make sure his memory lives on forever.
    xoxoxoxox
    Laura

    Reply
  3. Jennifer Gilbert
    March 15, 2011 at 8:13 pm (14 years ago)

    You are an incredible woman. Zackie was very blessed to have you as his mother, and many other families will find strength in you and in Zack’s story.

    God bless you and tour family. xoxo

    Reply
  4. Parent Club
    March 15, 2011 at 8:21 pm (14 years ago)

    Beautiful! simply beautiful.

    Reply
  5. CocktailDeeva
    March 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm (14 years ago)

    I’m trying to type through my tears…
    This was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

    Your Love, strength and spirit make me so proud to be a mother and a woman.

    You and your family have been in my thoughts for many days and will continue to be…

    xxoo

    Reply
  6. Andrea Case
    March 15, 2011 at 8:52 pm (14 years ago)

    What a beautiful tribute to your son. We have never met before, however I did go to school with Paul. I heard about Zack’s passing and my heart was heavy. As the mother of 2 children myself, I can’t imagine the pain you are experiencing. I am so very sorry for your loss–Zack was a remarkable child!! I wanted you to know that after reading your blog I am so inspired by your strength. Your boys are very lucky to have you as a mommy–you are truly a gift to them. I have to say that your story has made me want to be ‘that much better’ as a mom. I will continue to keep you, Paul and the boys in my prayers. God Speed

    Reply
  7. smilenwaven
    March 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm (14 years ago)

    I’ve been in tears many times this past week for you and your family. Loved knowing Zack through your beautiful words. Only special people are given special angels…

    Reply
  8. Supermom
    March 15, 2011 at 8:56 pm (14 years ago)

    I too am trying to type through the tears. What a wonderfully written blog. The last picture of Zack’s hand on your face was the picture that made the my tears flow.
    I wish that I had of found your blog sooner then a few weeks ago but you sound like such an inspirational woman.
    I have been praying that your family finds some comfort and peace in the near future.

    Reply
  9. Kia
    March 15, 2011 at 9:00 pm (14 years ago)

    What a beautiful post Heather…I am in tears…so amazed by your grace and strength.

    Zack was a lucky boy and you a lucky Mama. Your love for each other goes beyond this world. As I always tell my daughter, our hearts are connected by an invisible string of love that never breaks no matter how far apart you are…it goes on forever and ever. You will always be connected to your sweet boy and him to you.

    Much love and hugs
    Kia

    Reply
  10. LindsayDianne
    March 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm (14 years ago)

    It is not often that blog posts move me to tears, but you’ve handled this with such incredible strength.
    It may not feel like it right now, but you’re a rock for so many people in how positive and grateful you’ve been.
    I am so touched.

    Reply
  11. Dawn Winkelmann
    March 15, 2011 at 9:39 pm (14 years ago)

    As I type, my chest is heaving trying my best not to cry. I work with children with special needs and I am constantly touched by these walking miracles of life. I am so blessed by what they teach me every day. I am also so blessed that you shared your story, for your story honors Zack and links all of your readers to him. Thank you for the link Heather.

    Linked to Zack,
    Dawn Winkelmann

    Reply
  12. sharon
    March 15, 2011 at 9:57 pm (14 years ago)

    I’m finding it difficult to even see my screen right now. I don’t have the words to express my sorrow for your loss and my admiration for your strength. There hasn’t been an hour where you haven’t passed through my thoughts. And I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing Zack with us.

    Reply
  13. Michelle Lockwood
    March 15, 2011 at 10:03 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    Though we have never met, and only breeze past each others posts on twitter, I want to Thank You for bravely sharing your story of Zack. As a mother my heart breaks for you but I am so inspired by the way you are grateful for all that his life brought to you. As lucky as you feel to have had him in your life, Zack too was very lucky to have a mother so amazing and strong.

    Reply
  14. Natalie @YMCbuzz
    March 15, 2011 at 10:07 pm (14 years ago)

    Zackie is smiling down on his loving family right now, knowing how lucky he was to have lived with you, and how appreciated and treasured he was.

    Reply
  15. Jen Maier
    March 15, 2011 at 10:18 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,

    I don’t know you but I have been following Zack’s story. I am compelled to post a comment to let you know how much I have been thinking about you and your little hero. This post is simply beautiful. The picture of you holding Zack at the bottom makes my heart hurt. What love!

    So inspiring.

    Lots of love to you and your family.

    Jen

    Reply
  16. yvonne
    March 15, 2011 at 10:21 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    It was so nice to see you yesterday even though very sad. The entire service was so touching. Ty and Jayden are so handsome and absolute angels!

    I truly believe Zack’s spirit was with us all yesterday. I came home that evening and Jordan wanted to colour. To my surprise, when we went to pick out a book, he chose Elmo!! (Jordan hasn’t colored elmo in two years -he loves transformers and superhero’s). He said he wanted for just us to be together so we locked ourselves in a quiet room. We quietly colored and had our usual “I LOVE YOU” competition to see who could think of more reasons why we love each other. My tears flowed quietly as I enjoyed my moment with Elmo and Jordan. Jordan wrote “To Zackie” on the page when he was done. Zack continues to touch more people than you can even imagine. And, you’ve reinspired me to remember to slow down and enjoy the moments!

    xo Yvonne

    Reply
  17. Cheryl
    March 15, 2011 at 10:36 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,

    Such an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it. You are the strongest woman I know. Zack was the luckiest little boy on earth to have you as his mommy. No one would have been a better mom to him. No one!

    Reply
  18. Ashley
    March 15, 2011 at 10:58 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    that brings tears to my eyes. All of our kids bring joy everyday and with all there struggles they amaze us everyday!

    Reply
  19. JackiYo
    March 15, 2011 at 11:24 pm (14 years ago)

    Betcha Zack’s up there stealing all the remotes in Heaven.
    You’ve made a beautiful tribute to him. And even those of us who were never lucky enough to meet him can feel his spirit shine through.
    Biggest, squishiest hugs I can give.

    Reply
  20. Tammi @ My Organized Chaos
    March 15, 2011 at 11:40 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    I just can’t find the right words.
    I will simply say, thank you for sharing. Sharing your love, your memories and most of all, sharing Zack with us.
    My heart goes out to you, I haven’t stopped thinking of you this week.

    Deepest,
    Tammi

    Reply
  21. Tara Collyer Photography
    March 16, 2011 at 12:56 am (14 years ago)

    I never had the pleasure of actually meeting your son, but I feel a special connection to him and your family through your stories, pictures and just through praying for you over the last days.
    Thank you for sharing your story. Your son was an incredible little guy. He has touched so many lives in his time on earth.

    Reply
  22. karengreeners
    March 16, 2011 at 1:06 am (14 years ago)

    Your courage and grace over the last few weeks has been simply awe-inspiring. Wishing you and family peace and strength.

    Reply
  23. Michelle
    March 16, 2011 at 1:37 am (14 years ago)

    Heather – You are such a voice and presence of love, strength and courage. Thank you for sharing yourself and your family with us. Sending you many warm thoughts for continued strength, courage and peace as well.

    Reply
  24. Shash
    March 16, 2011 at 2:02 am (14 years ago)

    Heather,

    It’s amazing how twitter unites us. Thank you for letting us into your World and sharing with us your amazing family, Zack’s smile is unforgettable.

    {{hugs}}
    Shannon

    Reply
  25. Emma
    March 16, 2011 at 3:51 am (14 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing despite your pain and sorrow. Wishing you and your family peace in the hard days to come.

    Reply
  26. Beth Christie...
    March 16, 2011 at 3:00 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather-
    Even though we haven’t met, I have been following your family’s story. Thanks for letting us in. I can’t begin to express my heartfelt sorrow for you and your family. You are a true inspiration to all mothers with your grace and generosity during this tragic time. You are in my thoughts.

    Beth
    @suburbanchicmom

    Reply
  27. Rossana [cdnmortgage]
    March 16, 2011 at 3:33 pm (14 years ago)

    Heather,
    So beautiful, made me cry. Thank you for sharing Zach with us.

    Reply
  28. Judy D.
    March 16, 2011 at 6:45 pm (14 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing your precious son with the world. What a blessing he gave you with his presence and persistence. Truly moved by your words during this time. I will not forget your son.

    Reply
  29. Bold E-Zine
    March 16, 2011 at 6:48 pm (14 years ago)

    Never forget that Zackie’s family and their abiding love for him, will always stand as a tribute to Zackie. May you find comfort in remembering his smile and his laughter.
    Lynda

    Reply
  30. Cara R.
    March 16, 2011 at 8:16 pm (14 years ago)

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

    Reply
  31. Jessica
    March 16, 2011 at 8:35 pm (14 years ago)

    The smiles on his face in the pictures are precious. I’m so sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family.

    Reply
  32. Alexandria
    March 16, 2011 at 9:53 pm (14 years ago)

    What a wonderful life he lived having a family like yours. You really are a supermommy, Heather. How blessed the world is to have someone like you.

    I will forever feel honoured to have met Zackie, and you.

    Reply
  33. Tiffany Noth
    March 17, 2011 at 1:26 am (14 years ago)

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing Zack with all of us.

    *hugs*

    ~ Tiffany Noth

    Reply
  34. Anonymous
    March 17, 2011 at 1:59 am (14 years ago)

    My family just watched your beautiful video. We are so deeply moved by the beauty of your son. We are praying for your family at the unimaginable time of grief. It was clear that Zack was truly blessed to have you as his family on Earth. Thank you for sharing your son and may God give you strenth.

    Reply
  35. Tina and John Tremblay
    March 18, 2011 at 7:10 pm (14 years ago)

    We love you and Paul just so very much Heather. Zackie was a truly special little man – he was so pure and joyful. Through your love; strength and determination his time with us was the best it possibly could be. Your post is moving – just in tears as I write. As ever – Tina, John, Dylan and Makenna…. Hugs and more hugs… xoxox

    Reply
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    November 3, 2012 at 9:48 pm (12 years ago)

    I’m trying to type through my tears… This was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Your Love, strength and spirit make me so proud to be a mother and a woman. You and your family have been in my thoughts for many days and will continue to be… xxoo

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