After getting their ice cream and heading out the door, both Ty and Jayden heard him say ‘hey black kids, you guys walk out first before the white kids‘.
Yes, my kids had been a target of racism in our own community. Not only did this kid expose my boys to discrimination in their own neighbourhood, which is supposed to be safe for them, they actually made my Jayden dislike his own skin colour.
When I asked them how it made them feel, Jayden said ‘I wanted to change my skin colour‘. My heart sank.
 |
| My boy and his beautiful brown skin! |
After my heart recovered, I told my sweet kid that his skin is beautiful and perfect and that he needed to change nothing at all. In fact, it is the boy with the horrible comments who has some changing to do.
What should I do? I know I can’t protect them from everything in life that hurt, but I’d like to sometimes. We can continue to celebrate differences and diversity in our family…it’s our family culture and philosophy to be accepting of others across race, language, abilities, gender and sexual orientation. We talk about this all the time and I’m so glad that they choose to tell me about this experience so that we could again discuss race, racism and their own cultural identity.
My heart aches just a little bit today and mama bear is on high alert. While I know this boy’s name and I’m tempted to camp out at DQ every day so I can follow him home to talk to his parents, maybe the right thing to do is to focus on making sure my own kids feel even more confident in their own beautiful brown skin.
Mara Shapiro
April 17, 2015 at 7:49 pm (10 years ago)First of all, my heart aches that your family has to deal with this kind of ignorance, especially since we live in such a lovely multicultural community. I hate that people are still raising their children to spew such BS. I don't know if it's the same, but we've had to school our children on how to deal with anti-semitism. The only suggestion I have, and obviously it's not as easy as it sounds, is to just encourage the boys to be proud of who they are and to impart in them that they will never change other people's ignorance, but they can control how they react to it. They can just say, "You know, I don't like that comment." and then choose not to be around that person anymore. We have no problem saying to someone who makes a dumb ignorant jewish joke "Hey, you know what? I'm jewish. Did you know that's anti-semitic?" Generally, the person doesn't even realize they were being racist – they're just repeating what they've heard, and have the sense to be ashamed of themselves. Chances are that kid learned his prejudice at home, so saying something to the parents while gratifying, would probably fall on deaf ears. I would still confront them if I had the chance though. They need to know it's not right or acceptable.
Sean Pasternak
April 17, 2015 at 8:00 pm (10 years ago)It's unbelievable there are people still like that in 2015. And children, to boot!
Personally, I think you're doing the right thing, focusing on your kids. It effectively makes the racists the exception not the rule.
Helen Gorsline
April 17, 2015 at 8:13 pm (10 years ago)Before I read your final lines I already knew what I would say to you. And then you said it. Your job is to shower your boys with confidence and self respect so they might just know how to feel about this unexpected incidents in life. There will always be some slight that is bound to cross their path…but what will they make of it at the time.
Focus on Ty and Jayden. Make them fine boys, strong boys, boys with solid friendships. One day that ignorant child may just circle back into their lives and want what they have. And may see that he did not damage them. Hugs my friend. I am sure you are already on top of this. You are always very wise very quickly. And you have a beautiful family which you lead!!!!
Multi-Testing Mommy
April 17, 2015 at 8:20 pm (10 years ago)I really like what Helen Gorsline said! You are an incredible mother and you are already doing all of the right things. Encourage confidence, openness and everything that you are already doing. Unfortunately, we cannot change everyone, but we can be in charge of ourselves, our words and our actions and they affect others. I'm sorry that your family has had to deal with this. My heart aches.
Heather Hamilton
April 17, 2015 at 8:25 pm (10 years ago)So true Mara. We talked about what they could have said instead of just walking away. Ignorance happens, all of these experiences help them prepare for the next one.
Heather Hamilton
April 17, 2015 at 8:26 pm (10 years ago)I'm shocked and disappointed too. We live in a very diverse community but this stuff happens. Definitely the exception.
Heather Hamilton
April 17, 2015 at 8:27 pm (10 years ago)Ahh yes, I'll do the right thing but I had some internal dialogue with this boy that made me feel a bit better! The boys will continue to learn how to stand up for themselves and for what's right. Thanks Connie!
Heather Hamilton
April 17, 2015 at 8:29 pm (10 years ago)It stinks, and our kids are picked on for lots of things. I just hate that it's racially motivated. Tell them their breath stinks or they have braces. This is just another chance to help them through the world. Thanks!
mongupp
April 17, 2015 at 11:42 pm (10 years ago)Just continue to teach your beautiful boys not to characterise people by their colour. I call out my family when they make a skin colour remark. It's not what defines a person…their character does. ☺
mongupp
April 17, 2015 at 11:42 pm (10 years ago)Just continue to teach your beautiful boys not to characterise people by their colour. I call out my family when they make a skin colour remark. It's not what defines a person…their character does. ☺
Deborah Coombs
April 18, 2015 at 2:02 pm (10 years ago)Oh Heather. It is just insane that these types of comments and prejudices still exist in this day and age. You're doing an awesome job raising confident, strong, caring boys. I am positive talking to the other boy's parents will be pointless and will likely lead to more trouble. Kids aren't born with prejudice – they learn it from somewhere.
kd
April 24, 2015 at 1:02 am (10 years ago)Hi Heather,
My daughter was told at school by a girl in her class that people with dark skin are scary. My heart sank too, she's 5 and never really saw skin colour until that day. I actually went to the teacher to let her know this was happening, maybe wasn't right thing to do?
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