If I close my eyes

I was lying in bed, with my eyes closed, dreaming of Zack this morning….it inspired this post.

If I close my eyes, I can feel your arms around my neck, even though it is your twin brother holding me tightly.

If I close my eyes, I can picture you at the top of the stairs, waiting for me to carry you in my arms to play.

If I close my eyes, I can see the scars across your chest showing me the ways in which you were brave.

If I close my eyes, I can hear your squeals of laughter when we used to pretend to sneeze just for you.

If I close my eyes, I can hold your hand feeling the two bent fingers that made you, you.

If I close my eyes, I can hear your cries in the middle of the night.

If I close my eyes, we are rocking softly together and falling asleep in our rocking chair.

If I close my eyes, I can see you sucking your tongue and watching your silly brothers.

If I close my eyes, I can hear you humming “Elmo’s World”.

If I close my eyes, I can feel the heat of your body against me when you had a horrible fever and you wanted to be next to me.

If I close my eyes, I can hear you say “mumumumumum” just for me.

If I close my eyes, you are sitting once again at our table and feeding yourself pudding like a big boy!

If I close my eyes, I’m still trying to count your millions of long eyelashes.

If I close my eyes, you are racing along the sidewalk on your red car, squealing as I try to catch you.

If I close my eyes, you are looking at me with complete and utter love…and it makes me cry.

If I close my eyes, you are still here.

19 Comments on If I close my eyes

  1. Mish Lockwood
    January 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm (13 years ago)

    Heather….I had to close my eyes….to catch the tears that are falling.

    Reply
  2. Annabel F
    January 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm (13 years ago)

    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Heather. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and words. xo

    Reply
  3. Tarasview
    January 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm (13 years ago)

    oh my dear Heather, I am so very sorry for your heartbreak. Close your eyes and dream of sweet Zack often and I pray someday those dreams bring more smiles than tears.

    hugs and love to you.

    Reply
  4. Jennifer Hunt
    January 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm (13 years ago)

    Such a beautiful post to remember such a sweet boy.

    All the best to you and your family Heather.

    Jennifer
    My Big Blue World

    Reply
  5. Hollie Pollard
    January 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm (13 years ago)

    Beautiful poem for your little boy.

    Reply
  6. Alexandria
    January 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm (13 years ago)

    This is so beautiful, Heather. Thank you for sharing Zack with all of us.

    Reply
  7. Sara Hodge
    January 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm (13 years ago)

    <3 Heather, this is so beautiful. ((hugs))

    Reply
  8. TJZMommy
    January 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm (13 years ago)

    He was beautiful…and in my memories he is so vivid. I close my eyes to be close to him and then I wipe those tears.

    thank you for letting me share him with you.
    H

    Reply
  9. Smita
    January 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm (13 years ago)

    A beautiful way to remember and feel him….he is always with you xox. Love you.

    Reply
  10. Wendy S
    January 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm (13 years ago)

    Heather, that was beautiful. Love never ends.

    Reply
  11. Anita Woo
    January 7, 2012 at 3:49 am (13 years ago)

    Thank you for reminding us that every moment is precious. You are so brave for sharing your sweet Zack with us. Hugs!

    Reply
  12. Jenn W
    January 7, 2012 at 4:01 am (13 years ago)

    I feel as if I knew him…. such a beautiful poem for what seems to have been such a wonderful boy. May your dreams bring you smiles and wonderful memories.Never stop closing your eyes.

    Reply
  13. Karen
    January 7, 2012 at 4:15 am (13 years ago)

    What a beautiful post! I could see and hear Zackie as I read each word. Big hugs to you.

    Reply
  14. Anonymous
    January 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm (13 years ago)

    I sometimes feel so selfish. You have lived through the greatest loss one could, your heartbreak to me is unimaginable. Yet I go on with my life sometimes complaining about ridiculous stuff – my kids fighting or how they leave a mess everywhere they go – I can’t imagine how that makes you feel. Then I read what you just wrote and it opens my eyes again to the heartbreak you live with every single day.

    It makes me realize I need to be more grateful for all that I have.

    xo

    Reply
  15. heatherty
    January 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm (13 years ago)

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  16. Joan Elliott
    January 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm (13 years ago)

    Heather, thank you for sharing your heart. I also had to close my eyes… to catch the tears that are falling… and I am sending you a hug.

    Reply

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