It Seems Like Yesterday, But It’s Been 5 Years Since You Died

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years since I last held you, kissed you, stroked your beautiful curls, kissed your little lips, ran my fingers along your sweet neck, and put your hand on my face on last time. How could you have only lived for 3 and a half years and be gone for more?

It seems like just yesterday our house was filled with your laughter and my nights were filled with Elmo’s World episodes and your tears.

It seems like just yesterday you were eating (throwing) your pudding and Froot Loops and waiting for your brothers to come home from school.

It seems like just yesterday you were pinching Daddy’s nose as he sang “Zackie’s World” to you, laughing when we faked sneezed and racing down the sidewalk in your red car.

It seems like just yesterday that you walked around our house and from tv to tv pushing the buttons and driving your brothers crazy when you changed their shows or pulled their ears.

It seems like just yesterday that we watched several Elmo’s World videos each day, as you got your meds through the gtube and then drifted off to sleep.

It seems like just yesterday that we beamed with pride as you worked hard to accomplish something new, something we never knew you could do.

It seems like just yesterday that you communicated with your “bababas” and we knew exactly what you were saying (“don’t put on my shoes!”). You had just started saying “mamamama”, was it for me?

It seems like just yesterday that our family had five loving members under one roof.

It seems like just yesterday our lives were complete with you in it.

It seems like just yesterday that I was in awe of your bravery and found a strength within me that I never knew I had.

It seems like just yesterday, but it was five years ago.

We miss you so very much, Zack. Not a day goes by that we don’t think of you with a smile or moment of sadness imagining what our lives would be like with you still here.

Would you love school? Would you play soccer? Would you be able to say mommy and daddy or would you have an iPad that helped you speak to us? Would you be over Elmo and onto something new? Would you be able to ride a bike all by yourself?

Would you fight with your brothers and cause mischief to gang up on us? Would you and Jayden still have a strong twin connection and know each other’s thoughts? Would my four boys sit on the couch watching sports together?

Would you still lit up the room with your infectious smile and laugh?

Would you know how much you are loved?

Zack Hamilton September 21, 2007 to March 10, 2011

The inspiration behind Zack’s Dream Room and our own angel.