It’s a ‘Green Card’ Day and other signs of hope for my sweet kid

It’s been just over a month since I posted this on my Facebook wall;

The outpouring of support and advice has been truly overwhelming and given us so much hope. If I think back to when Zack needed help, I wanted it all for him. I became ‘Warrior Mama’ and I would stop at nothing to get him the help he needed. So when we got the call that there might be more issues than just some distraction and behaviour with Jayden, I reached out to a community of families who “get it”. I asked the ‘mom experts’ (like my amazing friend Alex) who have been there and were able to offer advice, contacts and resources as we embark on a new journey with our sweet little boy.

Did the experiences of Jayden’s life play into the issues we are learning about now? Of course they have, they have to.  Part of me feels so damn guilty. Guilty that Jayden’s first 3 years meant being left to play alone when Zack had a meltdown or hospitalization. His first three years were not a time that we could give him all that he so deserved. At 3 years old, his life was flipped upside down when his twin died. While he didn’t cry much at that time, because he was just so young, he cries now for that loss. Is grief playing a role in the distractions and lack of focus?  How could it not?

On the other hand, there seem to be other issues as well.  I’m not in denial when I hear that Jayden has a hard time following multi-step tasks at school.  I’m not upset to hear that Jayden might have a learning difference.  I’m not even afraid of a school team meeting, psychological assessment or an IEP.  I’m not even concerned with labels, because I know many kids who have benefitted from receiving the right help because of them.  What makes me sad is to see my creative, energetic and empathetic son struggling at school.  He is struggling and I’ll continue to find ways to help him until we see him inspired to learn, motivated to do his best and comforted knowing that we are all here to make it easier.

The days and weeks following that initial phone call full of “red flags” have been filled with phone calls to family support centres, waiting lists, private Child and Youth Worker appointments and new strategies at home and school to help identify where Jayden needs the most help. I even attend a Michael Reist talk about Boys Learning Differently and boy, did Jayden fit that profile. This is what I know as his mom;

I know that he has some maturing to do.  
I know that he is all about being cool.  
I know that he is a boy who needs to have a physical break at school while he learns.  
I know he does much better with simple instructions for tasks.
I know that he is motivated when he can write about the things he loves.
I know that he shines when he is valued, allowed to be silly and even “entertain” those around him.  
I know he needs more attention from me, doing the things HE loves.
I know that letting Jayden perform a song for his class, tell an elaborate story to his peers on the carpet or even use a whole roll of tape to make some C.I.A. spy equipment is what makes my little boy tick. He’s amazing in so many ways.

With the start of a growth plan back at the end of April, to add more structure, positive feedback and clearer directions for multi-step tasks at school, the teachers have seen that Jayden’s behaviour has slightly improved. In fact last night was the best news ever.  Just as I had cried when I heard that we would need to get him some more help, I cried again when I saw Jayden’s first ‘GREEN‘ card (for going over and above at school, YELLOW is an okay day, RED means he can’t go outside for the entire night) and this incredible note from his afternoon teacher;

So right now, we are seeing some great improvements at home and at school- a huge and encouraging sign.  While these behavioural improvements are exciting, it is also going to be helpful to now identify if there are underlying learning issues.  I’m not the type of mom who can ‘wait and see’. I’ve seen the difference that early intervention can make on the smallest and largest issues. I feel that by looking at Jayden as a beautifully, creative and complicated little boy, I can get him some support for his grief, learning issues, behaviour and even an outlet for his creativity- all things we are working on.

Yesterday was a great day for Jayden and for me.  They were tears of joy for my incredible kid who had a day full of pride and not frustration. I had a kid who raced home from school grinning from ear to ear waiting to show me his card and share the note.  It was a day to celebrate as a family and while we might have some days that aren’t as fabulous, today was a very GREEN day indeed.