March 3, 2011- one year ago

We had been up since 3am. Zack had needed oxygen through the night, his saturation levels were dipping and he needed it to help him breathe. We would alternate between just oxygen blowing by his face, to the mask on him.  He looked so weak and I tried my best to just put my arms around him and hum “ABCs” and “Elmo’s World” to comfort him. I was also getting scared.  His fever had also started again through the night and the new nurse heard lots of crackles in his left lung (the one with no pulmonary connection to his heart).  We were anxious to see the chest team in the morning.  I requested that they contact the Cardiac team, but they reviewed Zack’s case and felt he was well taken care of.

An answer came later that morning…the nasal swab came back positive for Influenza B.  I hadn’t gotten Zack a flu shot that year and I was feeling so guilty, knowing I might have been able to prevent this!  The doctors confirmed that while the Flu shot is great for other strains, it would not have protected Zack from Influenza B.   The doctors decided to keep Zackie on the same drugs, but he likely had pneumonia on top of this flu. At least we knew why this was different from the times before.

I sent the emails to our friends and family and tweeted out my frustration and fear to those who had been so supportive before. I found Twitter to be the best escape from the four walls and would connected with friends and even strangers who reached out to us and offered prayers. My parents called at least twice a day to check in on how Zack and I were doing. I was a walking zombie, so tired from over a week of sleepless nights, but I was staying strong for Zack. I had even hung some family photos and drawings from Ty and Jayden, to surround us with memories from home.

I guess it wasn’t all bad news…I had a few moments of playing with Zack or watching Elmo DVDs.  The floor had a few of their own, so at least we got to watch some new episodes!  We were particularly fond of the “Elmo: Bugs” DVD and “Elmo Loves You”. I remember putting Zackie in his stroller for a change of scenery- even though we had to stay isolated in our room.  Influenza B was so contagious, so the staff started to wear the full gowns and masks when they came to see us.  Zack tired so quickly, so while I saw some small bursts of energy, it was abundantly clear that he was so sick. Even the fever had stayed away for longer now and I was starting to see some hope for my brave son.  It was Thursday, I guess I was naive in thinking we would go home on the weekend.

Back at home, Paul was packing lunches and informing the teachers at school, then heading down to Bloor Street for his new job at BMO.  My daily emails to our friends contained the plan for the day and times in which I needed their help to get the kids.  I called my boys every morning and night and for the past two nights, Jayden wouldn’t talk to me.  He was confused, mad and upset that I was gone.  It broke my heart when he wouldn’t even come to the phone.  I decided that I would take a break and go down to the Atrium at SickKids to see if there was a special treat to buy Ty and Jayden for being amazing brothers.  I found a Pokemon hat for Ty and a Star Wars one for Jayden.  I was hoping a little bribery would help Jayden forgive me for being away.  This was the hardest part of Zack’s regular hospital visits- it was a lot to ask of my other sons to be understanding.  Their life was turned upside down…it wasn’t fair.

This was our schedule for that day…
Thurs 7:30am- Jayden to Small World (remind them Libbie is coming at 12:30), Ty to Smita’s (SKATES AND HELMET IN GARAGE)
12:30pm- Libbie get Jayden at Small World.
Libbie- play or stories than a nap!!  Enjoy and no snoring!!!
3pm- Smita gets Ty!
3:30ish- Libbie takes Jayden next door (#25) to Smita’s for a playdate and dinner!!
5:30ish- Paul home to get the boys!
I can’t thank all of you enough for your help! Ty and Jayden are looking forward to being with you today!  Knowing the boys are well taken care of is certainly a huge stress off of our shoulders!