March 5th, 2011- one year ago

One of the hardest days was this day.  I was losing hope and decline in Zack’s overall demeanor was so scary.  He closed his eyes for 90% of the day and literally had no energy to even sit up anymore.  When I would play Elmo DVDs, we wouldn’t even open his eyes to watch his favourite red monster.  My heart was breaking and I was really scared.

In preparation to write these posts, I looked back on what my emails and posts said about Zack’s health- the Facebook post from March 5th said it all..
“He’s still rough. Hasn’t woken up for more than 5 minutes today. On oxygen 24/7 and fever still. We just need to see SOME light at the end of the tunnel!!! Keep praying….”

My daily email updating our friends, family and Zack’s amazing team told the true story of where we were that day…

I wish I could deliver some great news tonight…but I’m afraid I can’t. Zack has continued to have high fevers as soon as the Tylenol/motrin wears off every 5 hours. He has continued to need oxygen 24/7. God Bless him, he holds the masks because it must bring him relief and comfort.

The saddest part has been that he has lost energy as the week has gone one…in fact, he has declined. I can only imagine that the influenza b and pneumonia have just taken so much out of him that he just wants to rest his body.

We continue with Ventolin masks and the newer antibiotics. They increased the dose of one of the meds yesterday. One hint of improvement is in the white blood counts. It has gone from 26 to 8…a good sign. Please continue to pray and send us good health vibes. We feel the love and support from all of our amazing friends and family. Thank you for your wishes and help!

Email to my parents:

I asked for a doctor, but Saturday is quiet. I’m so frustrated now- he won’t even stay awake long enough to watch Elmo. If oxygen mask slips, he desats to 75… (should be 100).  Need answers soon. He has 100 fever right now on Motrin!!

The one light in this day was a visit from Ty, Jayden and Paul in the evening!  I was going to be able to see the boys, get a break and even take them to Mr. Greenjeans at the Eatons Centre near SickKids.  I had a shower, put on whatever clothes were clean and put on socks and boots again.  My boys arrived and I was beyond happy to see them.  They had to wear masks to come into the room, and we made a game out of turning them in to “Dr. Ty and Dr. JayJay”.   They had seen their brother in a hospital bed, many times before, but this time, they asked “what’s wrong with him”?  He wouldn’t even sit up to look at his beloved buddies- he was just too weak.  They knew that this time was different too.  I gave Paul a lesson in taking temperatures, wrote the times for meds on our white board and insisted that he fight the nurse on duty to get both drugs for Zack’s fever.  Paul snuggled into bed with Zack and I took my boys out for a date.  Jayden had forgotten whatever anger he felt and held my hand with the same love I felt for him.  I can remember getting into the van and looking at what used to be Zack’s carseat- Paul had removed it so that Ty could sit beside Jayden and not way in the 3rd row.

I remember my thoughts about whether it was a sign of things to come…

We had a great dinner at Mr. GreenJeans and I loved catching up with all the details from home and school.  Ty had had a big presentation that I had missed, but practised with him over the phone.  My boys seemed okay and I was over-the-moon hanging out with them again.  We left right after dinner and headed back to the hospital, so that Paul and I could switch spots again.  Zack did raise his head for a moment and hung onto the rails of the bed, to say goodbye to his brothers…we had no idea that this was the last time they would see their brother alive.