Mother’s Day will never be the same

How can I ever celebrate this day again, without feeling the incredible loss of Zack?

How do I ever move on when my heart is broken and a piece of my soul is missing?





How do I hold Ty and Jayden close and lovingly accept their sweet cards, plants and pictures without feeling that their brother is missing?

How do I celebrate the greatest joys in my life, without feeling the greatest sorrow?

How do I ever make a wish again, when the only wish I have is to hold my son one more time?

Why do I visit the cemetery to spend time with my littlest son, while others are playing with their sons at the park?

How do I make it through today?

The only thing I know, is that I was born to be a mother- to my 3 sons.

*Before I was a Mom,*
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.*

*Before I was a Mom,*
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.*

*Before I was a Mom,*
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep. *

*Before I was a Mom,*
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn’t want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love
being a Mom.

*Before I was a Mom,*
I didn’t know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn’t know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

*Before I was a Mom,*
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom