Grief sucks everyday, but everything is so much harder at the holidays. Christmas music, the ornaments on the tree, holiday conversations, parties and even the toys stores. I should be shopping for 3 sons, not just two, but again this year, we will be celebrating without my Zack. As we approach another Christmas without Zack, I’m […] Read more…
Halloween after loss is horrible. I hate driving around my neighbourhood this time of year. My eyes just can’t stop looking at the graves, skeletons and gruesome heads coming out of the ground on my neighbours’ lawns. Do you have these types of decoration on your front porch? Maybe you should consider that they might […] Read more…
Zack and Jayden’s birthday came and went this year with a quiet sadness. Not as heartbreaking as other years and I’m not sure why. Is it that 5 years has passed since we last celebrated together and the pain is less than it was at 4 years, 3 years, 2 years, 1 year? It’s been […] Read more…
Grief is like wearing a new pair of glasses that I wear everyday. That’s how I explained it to someone the other day. It’s a lens through which I now see all aspects of my life. It’s the experience that I can’t escape and that has become a part of who I am. I’m often […] Read more…
A precious little boy has died, in the most unimaginable way. A horrible tragedy has ended his short life at only 3 years old. Elijah’s mother won’t be able to rock her sweet boy to sleep or see him grow up. She’ll have to say goodbye and find a way to move on through life […] Read more…
Since Zack died, almost four years ago, his room has always held a special place in our family. At times the door was closed, but slowly we felt comforted being surrounded by his things and our memories. We could picture ourselves back in those days when we paced the floor with him, put all three […] Read more…
Having a tough time again this year, when the most beautiful email arrived in my inbox. The incredible minister at my parent’s church in Fenelon Falls (and having just recently baptized Jayden there, it now feels like OUR church too) sent this prayer, just for me and for our family. So, I wanted to share […] Read more…
So many days I keep the feeling of sadness and loss bottled up. I hide it from the boys, I hide it from Paul, I hide it from my parents and friends, I hide it at work and I even try to hide it from myself, but it’s always there. Grief is a part of […] Read more…
Oh December, here you are again. The month that brings such a mixture of heartache and joy each and every year since Zack died at age 3 and a half. I can’t truly wrap my head around the fact that this is the fourth Christmas without him. Fourth! How is that possible? It’s been four […] Read more…
The call from the school had me seeing red. As Jayden’s teacher recounted the story of what had happened on the school yard, all I wanted to do was to run to him, throw my arms around him, and protect him from such cruelness. How could this little classmate be so mean? Given the way […] Read more…