Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. Being a mother to a son that you have lost is heartbreaking and yet I find myself struggling with this each day, especially on Mother’s Day. I struggle with being a mother to my two boys, while in my heart, I have three sons. There […] Read more…
Grief sucks everyday, but everything is so much harder at the holidays. Christmas music, the ornaments on the tree, holiday conversations, parties and even the toys stores. I should be shopping for 3 sons, not just two, but again this year, we will be celebrating without my Zack. As we approach another Christmas without Zack, I’m […] Read more…
A precious little boy has died, in the most unimaginable way. A horrible tragedy has ended his short life at only 3 years old. Elijah’s mother won’t be able to rock her sweet boy to sleep or see him grow up. She’ll have to say goodbye and find a way to move on through life […] Read more…
Dear Special Needs Mom in the Mall, I hope you don’t think that I was staring at your son because I thought he looked different. I hope you don’t think that I starting talking to him to be rude or unkind. I hope you don’t think that the way I smiled at him was odd […] Read more…
Another year goes by and the Christmas tree is up. So is our new Elmo decoration. The lights are twinkling, the carols are playing, the ornaments tell a story of our life and there are several branches adorned with Elmos for Zack. And yet, I just can’t find that spirit again this year. It’s been […] Read more…
Last night, we started to decorate for fall and Halloween – my dislike for gravestones on a front lawn is no surprise– but Jayden looked through a few decorations and lost it. When I asked him what upset him so much, it was the gravestone decoration that we had from years ago- the one I […] Read more…
One of the most vivid memories that I have of our family is when the 5 of us when to see the Shrine Circus exactly 3 years ago. We were so excited to let the three boys have this incredible experience under the big top! Since the Shriners are huge supporters of children’s charities, we were happy […] Read more…
Zack’s room was the place where he and I would rock the night away. The place where I tried to get a few minutes of sleep between humming the Elmo song, during his 2am episodes.It’s the place where he would sit in his bouncing chair and get his meds and his gtube feed each night […] Read more…
(I haven’t been able to write the very last day in two years, but this year, I really wanted to preserve the memories. I want those horrible and painful hours to live here on the pages, and not in my head or on my shoulders. The truth is that those days seemed like weeks and they […] Read more…