The Case of the Vanishing Hemangioma

I’ve been looking over so many old photos lately and I wanted to write about something that I’ve never written about before.  For something that was difficult to understand in the beginning, it seems that now I’m starting to miss the “angel kiss” that was so uniquely part of Jayden.

What started out as a small dot on his forehead at 3 months- a dot that I thought was caused by Zack scratching him- turned out to be a hemangioma.  I can remember googling that word every day and seeing thousands of horrible photos and wondering if that would happen to my sweet, healthy boy.  My understanding was that it was something that would grow (there was no prediction on how big or how raised it would become), then lay dormant for a few years, then fade when he was about 4 or 5. 

Beautiful Jayden at 4 months old

As Jayden grew, so did his birthmark.  Being in the middle of his forehead, it was impossible not to notice in photos or when we went out.  The cruel stares of strangers in the mall or questions from passerbys always shocked and angered me.  There were trips to Costco I remember, when I man pulled me aside to asked “what was that?”.  I said “my son“…he then kept at me to ask what the mark was….it was the one time that I lashed out and told him it was none of his business.  Why did strangers not only think they were entitled to know, but even have the nerve to ask me?  Did they think I didn’t see it?  Did they think that I wanted to talk about it, while I got my groceries? 

I was asked if his father was Indian…I guess they thought it might be a cultural birthmark?

I was asked it he fell or hit his head.

The discussions weren’t all bad or inappropriate.  Sometimes a lovely mother would come over to me in a mall and tell me about her own child who had one and now it was gone.  We talked about missing the mark after so many years of loving it as part of our child’s perfect face.  Our own neighbour showed me photos of her daughter who had the VERY SAME spot on her forehead, that was now gone at 6 years old.

The sweetest remarks were from children, their innocence NEVER once bothered me when they asked “does he have a boo boo?“. I loved that they wanted to help get him a band aid.

It was always amazing to me that Jayden got more attention paid to his birthmark, than Zack did to his hearing aids, skin tags or gtube!  There were even times that I felt in my heart, that God had given this blemish to Jayden so that he too was “different” and could have something to relate to Zack or even take the attention away from his twin brother. 

Even cuter at 10 months!

It became part of Jayden- and while embraced it, he started to realize it was there and ask questions.  Why did he have it, what was it, would it go away?  He sometimes loved it, like we did….and sometimes wanted to take it off.  I knew we had to prepare him with what to say- so he learned to say that it was his “angel kiss“.  Both kids and adults seemed to love that answer from a 2 year old!  He was so confident in his answer and believed it whole-heartedly!

Delicious at 2 years old!

By three, I started to notice that the “strawberry” texture was flattening and getting less red.  I wondered if this was the beginning of the end of his birthmark?  Would I miss it?  Would he even notice?

It wasn’t until a photographer taking school photos, REMOVED the birthmark in photoshop and handed me the “perfect” shots of my son.  I was livid!  How could she remove what was uniquely him?  What would make her think that I didn’t want to document my son, EXACTLY as he was?  I asked her to send me the original, as that was really the photo that I wanted of my handsome boy.

Now that Jayden is 5, I can barely see the red spot that used to be on his forehead. He often notices when he’s looking in the mirror and asks if I can still see it.  There are no more comments or explanations needed, it’s barely even noticeable upclose. 

My VERY handsome boy is still just as handsome to me- a birthmark would never change that.

But I can’t help but miss that little part of him that is gone forever- it’s emotional to see the changes over five short years.  Maybe my heart is heavy because it is a reminder that he is no longer my little boy and that he’s growing up before my eyes.