The Impact of IVF on Grandparents

/ Parenting / 13 Comments
Where our miracle began

I can remember the phone call to my mom, telling her that she would finally become a “Nana“!  We both sobbed over the phone when I told her that our first round of IVF was successful and that her first grandchild was on the way.  Even my Dad (who wasn’t home when I called my mom), cried with me while I told him that one day, he would have a grandchild to paddle with in the canoe.

It had been almost exactly a year from when we learned that we would not be able to conceive naturally.  We were devastated with this news, but also had a wonderful support system around us and a willingness to fight any way possible to make our dreams come true.   I forced myself not to think of the possibility that I might never know the feeling of a life growing inside me, never be pregnant, never give birth to our child. It felt as if my right as a woman had been taking away.

 
The emotions in our house were raw and strong.  While Paul and I found ways to deal with it alone, we were under enormous stress.  I needed someone for support and I turned to my mom.  I can remember the calls with my mom, as I cried with her over why this was happening when both she and I were so clearly destined to raise children?  It was one of the most wonderful bonds that we shared.  From teaching Sunday school and babysitting to being “kid magnets”, my mom and I had always shared a love of children.  Just as I knew that I was meant to have a child of my own, so did my mom. I even think that there was a little bit of guilt that she might have been feeling.  Guilt that it had been so easy for her to get pregnant. 
 

When speaking to my mom about writing this post for Grandparent’s Day, it was really the first time that we looked back on that difficult and emotional time in our lives.  While I knew the pain that I felt at that time, the joy of finally having our miracle son, seemed to wipe it away.  On the other hand, it seemed very easy for my mom to recall that heartache that she felt back then.  She told me that she vacillated between trying to be casual and “matter of fact” during my daily trips to the clinic, blood tests, shots and ultrasounds, while privately, she worried for me, her daughter, having to subject my body to such stress.  She wondered about the effects of the drugs on me and had tremendous pressure to stay positive and upbeat, but secretly wondered…”what if it doesn’t work?”

My mom also worried about Paul and I as a couple and the toll it was taking on our relationship and our marriage.  We were so in love, so ready to have a family and both so suited to be parents.  She and my dad worried that even the financial strain could cause problems and wondered how they could help protect their daughter.  While my parents willingly offered to help us pay for the over $10000 worth of drugs, procedures and tests- one way in which they could lessen our burden- Paul and I were determined to do it on our own. It was our first sacrifice of being a parent…but I knew that my own parents were also willing to sacrifice to make this happen for us. 
My parents ached to be grandparents and to see the joy in our eyes as we welcomed in a new son or daughter- but this was new ground for us all.  How do we get through this new scientific and very clinical process?  We talked stats, procedures, anatomy and embryos over dinner and shared our most private and personal experiences.  The “romance” of creating a child was long gone- it had almost become a family affair!  My parents sat on pins and needles waiting for another call with either good or bad news- prepared for it all and willing to help us pick up the pieces or celebrate.
 
While my mom was there on a daily basis to give me advice, help me see the positive side and get me through a momentary breakdown, my dad found his own unique way to show his support.  He gave me a Wish Pearl pendant, right at the beginning of our IVF cycle.  It was his way of giving me a symbol of hope.  I know that he and my mom felt helpless during this time but needed desperately to feel that they were doing something.  He put the pendant around my neck and I wore that pearl during our IVF cycle and didn’t take it off until we had reached the first trimester and even reached for it again when we tried IVF again four years later.  I knew that the pearl held all of my Dad’s wishes for us and for his future grandchildren.

Now I can look back and see what our own personal struggle with infertility did to my parents.  As a parent now, I can only imagine the pain that they felt when they saw us confronted with a huge obstacle to the future we had planned.  I know that I feel any pain that my boys feel and I would literally do anything possible to take that pain away. 
 
I can’t even imagine my life without our sons or without having been pregnant at all.  I also can’t imagine my parents never being grandparents.  There has never been a Nana and Poppa who love their grandsons more or who take the time, not only to know each of them so well but also spend special time with them.
This weekend is Grandparent’s Day and I can’t help but look back on the way in which my parents became grandparents. While it was certainly not traditional, it was filled with love, hope and miracles.
 
Meeting their first “miracle”

 
My sweet nephew, Nana, Poppa and my 3 IVF miracles.

Please follow @OHIP4IVF on Twiter or the hashtag #OHIP4IVF to support governement funding for IVF.  I support helping other couples become parents, without the financial burden that comes with infertility.
 
*Disclosure: I am honoured to share our story of IVF as a valued and compensated member of the Conceivable Dreams blog team.

13 Comments on The Impact of IVF on Grandparents

  1. Paula Schuck
    September 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm (12 years ago)

    Oh heather! This is a beautiful post. What amazing grandparents. What a supportive family you have. I wish for every family trying to conceive through IVF or going through infertility struggles to have a mother and father that are so incredible. Happy grandparents day to both of your parents! These pictures are gorgeous.

    Many thanks for Sharing your story!
    Paula

    Reply
  2. anitawoo
    September 8, 2012 at 12:03 am (12 years ago)

    What an interesting perspective! I admit that I never actually asked my parents how they were feeling while I was going through my infertility journey, but I can only imagine how hard it was for them to watch our struggle. I know that if the time comes for my daughter to start a family I will be holding my breath, praying that she does not share my infertility diagnosis (endometriosis). I also know that if she does, I will be there to support her every step of the way!

    Thanks for sharing Heather,
    Anita

    Reply
  3. Anonymous
    September 8, 2012 at 12:48 am (12 years ago)

    What a tribute Heather. Your parents are two of the finest people we know and we are honoured to have them as friends. Well done — on all fronts.
    Love Beth

    Reply
  4. Cheryl Kirkness
    September 8, 2012 at 2:28 am (12 years ago)

    Such a sweet story! We live really close to my parents and my son seems them almost daily. It’s so wonderful having supportive grandparents around!

    Reply
  5. Lena!
    September 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm (12 years ago)

    What a beautiful story, Heather! And I simply adore the pictures that you shared 🙂

    Reply
    • Santi
      September 6, 2015 at 2:21 pm (9 years ago)

      Hello! I want to start out saying a BIG thank you for your blog. I was rnecetly diagnosed with an endometriosis cyst on my right ovary, via ultrasound. I was devastated to hear that my only functioning ovary (my left fallopian tube is blocked) was in jeopardy. I was sad and confused, seeing I have never had any symptoms of endometriosis.Your blog was the first I came across when I began, franticly, scouring the Internet for help and answers. I took to your reccomendations, and started the endo diet. I cut out gluten, dairy, sugar, processed foods, and red meat. And then only free range chicken, fish, and eggs (rarely) and organic fresh fruits and vegetables. The juicing has been an awesome experience. I love the way my skin is looking I also started taking serrapeptase, fish oil, B complex, and countinued my prenatal vitamins.Well, today was my follow up (2.5 weeks after starting the diet) and I am thrilled to tell you that my 5.6 cm cyst is now 4.5 cm!!!!! I can’t believe it! I could tell right off the bat, that the cyst looked so much smaller. What an amazing thing!Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Your information, your story has renewed my hope. I do hope that I will one day soon I’ll be able to tell you I am pregnant. Thank you again for this wonderful blog.-Chelsea

      Reply
  6. TJZMommy
    September 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm (12 years ago)

    I was so honoured to share this part of the story of infertility and IVF. I knew it had impacted my parents, but actually asking them how they felt was an amazing process.
    It really allowed us to know only see those struggles, but truly appreciate the blessings of our miracles and how truly lucky we have been, while others are still struggling to conceive. I truly hope OHIP listens….

    Reply
  7. Sheri
    September 9, 2012 at 3:38 pm (12 years ago)

    You have a beautiful story Heather. Your parents sound like pretty amazing people too.

    Reply
  8. Bubbie Bonnie
    September 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm (12 years ago)

    This is a truly beautiful nod to 2 people I have known for a long time and value as dear friends. Lynda and Pete are wonderful grandparents not only to their own grandchildren, but they always show such love and affection for other kids like my 2 grandchildren who lovingly call them Nana and Poppa. Fishing with Peter is the highlight of Dylan’s summer and tubing is Kailey’s favourite thing when they visit the Olivers in Fenelon Fallls. So nice to read this lovely and touching honour for them on Grandparents’ day.

    Reply
  9. Saxtonqhgx
    November 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm (12 years ago)

    You have a beautiful story Heather. Your parents sound like pretty amazing people too.

    Reply
  10. The Xaviers
    December 7, 2012 at 12:40 am (12 years ago)

    This is a wonderful and inspirational post, thank you for sharing! I feel the same for my mom, who without her I dont think we could be so strong:)

    Reply
  11. Mamta
    October 31, 2019 at 9:46 am (5 years ago)

    Nice information shared by the blogger! if anyone out there is having any type of infertility problem, then you should visit the Gem Hospital & IVF Centre at least once. They have the best infertility doctors who will guide you and provide you with the best treatment.IVF centre in Punjab

    Reply
  12. Sumita Sofat
    February 11, 2020 at 7:36 am (5 years ago)

    In case anyone is suffering from infertility problems and wants to conceive, then visit Dr. Sumita Sofat Hospital for the best IVF Treatment. Our Hospital has the best facilities and equipment and we provide the best services at affordable prices.

    Reply

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