It happened. I was hopeful that it wouldn’t but realistic enough to know that one day, my boys would be told by someone that they couldn’t do something because they were black. Even in our beautiful multicultural school and community, racism exists and my son was a target.
The other day in class, Jayden’s friends were playing “brothers” (no clue what that is and neither did he) and two of his friends said of course he could play with them, while the fourth kid told him that he couldn’t play “because he was black“. Without a call from the teacher, I only had Jayden’s story to go on, but I wrote her a note to ask for more information. Her message back was that “it was being monitored” and she had discussed it with the boys. Was that enough? Had the other parents been called? I was pretty sure they weren’t. Was this a classroom issue or one that both parents should have been privy to? If I were that little boy’s parents, I would be VERY interested in the chance to make sure my son was given the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson in equality. It seemed like this issue was not treated with the seriousness that I felt it should be.
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| photo credit: Presstv.ir |
Race, colour, difference and even prejudice are topics in our house and it’s amazing how instantly, my sweet seven year old knew that what his friend said, was racism. He told his friend it was wrong to say that and it hurt his feelings. I’m so proud that he stood up for himself and that he worked to solve the issue with his friend, but would any real changes have been made in the classroom?
Jayden knows what racism means, we’ve talked about it often. We have visited the place where Martin Luther King said his ‘I Have a Dream” speech. The one where the vision of black and white kids playing together WAS the dream. The vision of a better world, where kids looked beyond colour. We’ve seen photos of white and “coloured” water fountains and we celebrate Black History Month where we can talk about civil rights, how far the world has come and how far it obviously still needs to go. We often talk about what racism truly means. If someone mentions that you have brown skin, that’s okay, because for kids it’s like noticing blond hair and blue eyes. But if that colour of hair, eyes or skin means you don’t get to do something, get left out or you are treated differently, that’s racism. It’s fairly simple and our kids are so clear about how they want to be treated. On that day in the class room, Jayden was not treated fairly, solely based on the colour of his beautiful skin.
We struggle with identity in our house. Our boys are brown a beautiful blend of their parents but are they white? Black? Being biracial, actually means that you are seen as black in the world- that’s the truth. When you aren’t white, you are black. Just look at Obama. The first “black” president, even though he is also of mixed race.
Our world often makes no sense to me and to our boys, sometimes. But we try to create an environment where our kids can be honest, talk about race openly, embrace and celebrate it. I can only hope that Jayden’s new teacher can also see this opportunity as a chance to talk about diversity, different types of families, seeing people for who they are and not their skin colour and ultimately encourage acceptance and inclusion for all the kids.
Christy A Laverty
September 27, 2014 at 12:40 am (10 years ago)I understand this issue all to well… my two beautiful girls are biracial. We have experienced racism a few times at school actually…the first incident was when my youngest was in SK. They were very young and the other child didn’t really know what he was saying BUT it hurt my daughter’s feelings and she knew it was wrong. She spoke up to me and we spoke to the teacher… who agreed that it was not nice. The teacher got the offending student to write my daughter a note, apologizing to her…he wrote they he was sad that he hurt her feelings. I like how the teacher dealt with the issue because she addressed it right away, validated my daughters feelings and made sure that the other student knew what he said was hurtful. It is so important to address the issue right away, explain why it is wrong and hurtful and make sure there is a dialogue
Heather Hamilton
September 27, 2014 at 12:43 am (10 years ago)Thanks Christy….I’m not satisfied that this was handled properly or that it’s over. I love how your daughter’s teacher asked the kids to write the letters. Jayden was really sad and not only spoke to the teacher, but took a break to go to the washroom to “recover” from his feelings. Then chose to tell the boy how it made him feel. Breaks my heart, but when it’s handled well, it can be healing and even a chance to learn and grow.
katharineholmes
September 27, 2014 at 5:10 am (10 years ago)This comment has been removed by the author.
Paula Schuck
September 30, 2014 at 10:19 pm (10 years ago)I agree that Christy’s child’s teacher handled this beautifully and it sounds like the other child learned a lesson. I don’t begin to understand all the nuances of skin colour and racism in the same way you two awesome mamas do. But I know that acceptance, tolerance, love and compassion for everyone – is the way I raise my kids. I wish everyone did the same.
Lately I hear my girls coming home frequently stating that someone asked them if they are gay. The question is always framed as an insult according to them. It disgusts me that some kid in grade eight thinks this is okay talk. I struggle with is it still okay for me to butt in at grade eight level and remind the teacher that this sucks and is completely inappropriate talk or does my child handle it on her now at 13. Meanwhile as a Mom I want to scream at someone for raising an intolerant mean child.
Heather Hamilton
September 30, 2014 at 10:23 pm (10 years ago)Paula, yes being “gay” is a hot topic in the older grades and thankfully the school addressed this.
I hope that this was an innocent child and not one raised in a hate filled home. I will be watching VERY closely, as the teacher is well aware.
We also work to create an environment of acceptance and inclusion…thanks for reading.
laci carlson
October 8, 2014 at 1:34 am (10 years ago)Check out my last post on my biracial fam @ http://www.sequinsinthesouth.com its titled un-flawed concoction