The other day, I read this amazingly honest and poignant article about coming to terms with a daughter who has a learning disability and it hit very close to home. I decided to comment on a friend’s Facebook share, not really realizing that everyone could see that I wrote “hits. close. to. home“. A few other friends jumped in the discussion agreeing that they could also relate to the article and that we should start a support group.
So it was in that moment, during ADHD Awareness Month, I decided that while I’m still processing the news that Jayden has been diagnosed with ADHD and a writing learning disability, I’m ready to talk about ADHD. I’m ready to start talking to other moms online, who might have advice and be able to help us through the next few months, years. I’m ready to share the moments when I’m worried or frustrated and I’m ready to talk about our journey through the challenges and successes of parenting a son with ADHD.
I’ve always been a mom who was an open book. I’ve never shied away from sharing the tough moments in our family and I’ve always shared our journey through raising a child with special needs and even losing our son. We’ve also been very open with Jayden along the way…sharing the reasons why we have seen certain experts, why he needed to do three days of testing and even talking to him about the possibility of medication. He knows that he has ADHD and that many other kids have it. He knows that his brain works differently from others and that there are so many ways we can make school a bit easier and more fun for him. So, why was I so hesitant to share the news publicly, that my son has ADHD? Was I worried about how others might now see him and judge him or even me?
I’m not upset about the diagnosis at all. In fact, I’m so thankful that we went ahead with private testing to confirm the feelings that I’ve known in my gut for a few years…the feelings that his school were quick to dismiss. I’m thankful that the struggles that Jayden’s been having at school and even at home, now have a name. I’m thankful that we can move forward with real supports and accommodations in class to bring him the success that’s eluded him and that he so deserves. I’m thankful that we have a new understanding of our son and we can learn more about how he needs to be parented and taught…so, why is this so hard? .
I think it’s that I’m sad for Jayden. I’m heart broken that my son who has just moved past his challenges dealing with his twin brother’s death and coming to terms with his feelings of being different because of that loss, now has another struggle to adjust to. I just want life to be easier for him. Our creative, energetic, funny and empathetic kid is incredibly aware of how hard school is for him and he is already resisting the help that he needs because it draws attention to those struggles. I’m worried about how he will feel about himself, when he is still so fragile. I’m worried that I won’t be able to be all that he needs, all the time.
I don’t have a lot of answers, but I do have tons of questions about how to navigate through ADHD and all the ways that we can support Jayden at home, school and even in hockey and with his friends. I know that I won’t ever stop getting him the help he needs or insuring that he feels proud of himself, of who he is…because he’s incredible. I know that I will celebrate his differences and the way he learns and that sharing the list of cool celebrities who also have ADHD (Justin Timberlake, Channing Tatum and Adam Levine) is just one way to show our son just how awesome his life will be!
I’m glad I’m ready to talk about ADHD. I’m eager to connect with other moms who have similar struggles with their kids. I know for sure that I’m not alone in this new journey and maybe, one day soon, I might just start that online support group we talked about.
Here are some of the first resources that I’ve found helpful…links, books and even Facebook pages that I love to learn from;
15 Things you need to know about ADHD
Four Tips for Parenting a Child with ADHD
Boosting your Child’s Confidence
Jody @ Mommy Moment
October 23, 2015 at 3:38 pm (9 years ago)I’m so glad you shared.
We all have struggles we face. Our daughter has generalized anxiety disorder and the hardest part for her is her extreme lack of concentration she has. She seems to slip through the cracks because she is so kind and compliant that the teachers do not see her quiet struggles that are HUGE. Worksheets are almost impossible for her to complete. It’s tough. She is so bright, so smart, but her brain does not work the same as her classmates and that is tough. Tough for her, and tough for the whole family.
Hugs to you and thanks again for sharing your story.
Heather Hamilton
October 23, 2015 at 3:41 pm (9 years ago)Thanks Jody…it’s amazing how many moms are sharing their own struggles with me now and there is an amazing community around us. School is so difficult for so many kids, but as we learn more about them, we learn new ways to teach them. I’m thankful Jayden’s teacher is amazing and working so well with him in class. Good luck to you and let’s keep talking….
Ally
October 23, 2015 at 4:36 pm (9 years ago)Great honest post as always Heather. It’s tough to see our kids struggle and feel like we can’t do enough to help them. Hits close to home for me too and I agree the more others share, the more we feel we can do the same. Big Hugs to you and Jayden!
Heather Hamilton
October 23, 2015 at 7:27 pm (9 years ago)Thanks Ally! You have always been a great ear to listen and offer advice. I’m so glad I have your support! Let’s get our boys together for some fun!
Tilley
October 23, 2015 at 6:41 pm (9 years ago)I love this! I love that you wrote it and that you shared it. I feel the same way about my littlest who has ASD. There’s a sadness that I feel when I think about it that you’ve nailed on the head. Our struggle is the same but different, but still the same, and a support group for parents like use would be a marvelous thing 🙂
Heather Hamilton
October 23, 2015 at 7:26 pm (9 years ago)Tilley, I loved that your shared post inspired me to talk about it. How about that group? Wanna do it?
Tilley
October 24, 2015 at 12:23 am (9 years ago)Yes!
Heather Hamilton
October 24, 2015 at 12:40 am (9 years ago)Ok. I will.
Tilley
October 24, 2015 at 1:27 am (9 years ago)I have no idea how to go about starting something like this, but I’m all in on getting it going. PM me on the facebooks when you’re ready to go!
Julie
October 24, 2015 at 10:42 pm (9 years ago)Before my daughter was diagnosed, I had lots of opinions about ADHD…all of them from a place of being uneducated. While she was going through her testing, we were always very honest with her, and since her diagnosis she has turned into her own biggest advocate. She doesn’t hesitate to explain to kids why she gets “extra stuff” in school, and she never worries about asking to use the resources available to her. I’ve watched her mature and deal with it awesomely. And happy to say, my opinions are now this – we should not judges choices parents are making to handle this. We should support and share our experiences with parents and children…that is what they need.
Heather Hamilton
October 24, 2015 at 10:57 pm (9 years ago)Wow…I love hearing this and this is my goal for Jayden’s future. I would love him to celebrate his differences and accept the help that will help lead to success! Thankfully, I have amazing people around me to help share stories of hope, like this one. Thank you so much…hope we stay in touch!
Heather Hamilton
October 26, 2015 at 1:52 pm (9 years ago)I hope Jayden gets to that point, I think it will just take him time to realize there are so many other kids who also have some extra help to be successful at school. I’m so thrilled that we are talking about this and supporting each other!
Amanda Jetté Knox
October 26, 2015 at 1:29 am (9 years ago)Thank you for sharing your family’s story, because I think it helps demystify and de-stigmatize a disorder that is actually quite common and seen in some of the brightest, most talented minds.
Sending all the hugs and some high-fives for Jayden. A diagnosis is the first step to a happier life. That’s been my experience, anyway.
Heather Hamilton
October 26, 2015 at 1:54 pm (9 years ago)Amanda, your bravery and ability to share your story, helped me to find my voice on this one. I wanted to protect Jayden but was desperate to connect with others, for me and then for him. I agree that the more we talk about “differences” the less different they will feel. Thank you for connecting at BlissDom and now online…xo
Peady @ Tempered With Kindness
November 5, 2015 at 11:00 pm (9 years ago)Oh, Heather!
Congratulations! That’s right. I said congratulations. 😀 Now you can all move forward and start uncovering his talents. They are there. You *know* it!
The best thing a parent can do is learn a LOT and ask those questions. There are SO many great resources and you will all be just fine.
I know. Trust me. I know. 😉
Jeni
November 10, 2015 at 3:27 pm (9 years ago)Oh my golly miss molly, just want to say I’ve only browsed through your posts but between the reality of ADHD, and how rep hockey can enhance your child’s life, especially with this diagnosis, it’s like we’re living a parallel existence. Just wanted to say props to you Momma, keep on keeping on, and as we said in our house “keep your stick on the ice”, it will help you be ready for whatever comes your way 🙂
Heather Hamilton
November 10, 2015 at 4:25 pm (9 years ago)We should connect and chat! Thanks so much for your comment and the motivation!
Paula
September 29, 2017 at 1:59 am (7 years ago)Thanks for sharing. My husband has just recently been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 46. You are so very lucky that you are finding this out now, as opposed to finding out later! There are so many tools and support for children but not as many for Adult. My understanding that many of the ADHD management can be learned as a child and people can learn to “manage ADHD” on a daily basis as an adult.
Lynda
April 8, 2019 at 2:24 am (6 years ago)Such a brave thing to share your family’s story. Thanks for sharing!